Sweetened Ramen
by Tsubasa8
Summary: When the Go-Ninja come to Konoha village there can be only one possible outcome - chaos. Gintama/Naruto Crossover
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: "Gintama" is property of Hideaki Sorachi, Sunrise, Viz Media, etc.  
"Naruto" is property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, Viz Media, etc.

* * *

Sweetened Ramen

They were under attack. That had to be it. Why else would Sakura be hanging from a tree in such a… _awkward_… position? Ino had faltered upon finding her long-time rival while meandering the outskirts of Konoha. The pink-haired girl was dangling from a tree branch, bound by ropes and suspended so her body curved back into an arch. Gripping the free end of the rope was a young woman with long lavender tresses. Ino vaguely recognized her garb as a shinobi's, though she saw no sign of a headband to tell which land she was from.

The woman hitched up the crimson-frame glasses on her face before beginning her demands. "Now, tell me where Gin-san is!"

"I told you, I don't know who that is!" Sakura's body swayed in the air as she answered.

"A likely story," the mysterious kunoichi said confidently. "You suspicious types are always making up lies to stray detectives from their trail."

"You're the suspicious one! You're clearly a stranger in our village. Who are you? Where are you from?"

"Sarutobi Ayame, Sacchan is fine, does not have to answer either of those questions."

"Um, no… you just answered one of them; and why did you tell me your nickname?" After a further second of thought, the revelation Sakura just heard sank in and her eyes widened. "Sarutobi? Are you related to the third Hokage?"

"No relation except for Sarutobi Sasuke."

"S-Sasuke?" Very much confused by what she was hearing, Sakura opened her mouth to make a reply only to have a yelp of alarm escape her as Ayame yanked on the rope. As Sakura spun her line of sight found Ino standing a few meters away from her. Immediately she cried, "Ino-buta, do something about this!"

Ino grimaced at the use of the nickname Sakura had christened her with, but brushed it off under the circumstances. Just as Ino had extracted a kunai, something lashed out and wrapped around her calve, dragging her down to fall hard on her back.

"So another suspicious character appears." Ayame spoke without a hint of surprise. She pulled on the whip ensnaring Ino and said, "Well, I'm not usually S but it seems I have no choice."

With those words, Sakura and Ino couldn't have imagined what would happen to them next.

- - -

Little did Ayame know that in the village's center, the one she sought named Sakata Gintoki was comfortably eating in a ramen shop with his comrade Shimura Shinpachi. Normally the naturally-permed samurai would be sporting his white and blue kimono draped over a Prussian-inspired uniform. Today however, he wore a white shinobi shozoku complete with a muffler. Shinpachi wore a similar outfit, though his was spotted with black like a cow's skin.

"Doesn't that woman understand that people need to eat?" Gintoki took his bowl of ramen and began inspecting the noodles closely.

"I thought those two parfaits Sacchan-san bribed you with would have been enough." It was a good-natured quip on Shinpachi's part, but Gintoki's response was sober.

"If I stain my clothes it's your fault."

Eyeing him through his round glasses with an irritable expression, Shinpachi retorted, "Why is it my fault? Hey, stop slurping like that! You just want to blame me, don't you?"

The owner of the stand, a matured man named Teuchi, chuckled at the pair. "You're a couple of strange fellows. Around what parts are you from?"

"The Land of Silver Balls," Gintoki replied over his bowl of ramen.

"Gin-san, don't tell him that," Shinpachi rebuked. "That sounds like the title of some perverted holiday story."

With a matter-of-fact tone, Gintoki responded, "Anyone who can't take a little perversion doesn't deserve to be a Jump character – not even a minor one."

"I don't think all Jump titles are perverted…" muttered Shinpachi.

Uncertain if his question had been seriously answered; and judging from the men's conversation that he might not get one, Teuchi decided to change the subject. He cleared his throat and said, "So, how will you be paying for all this?"

Shinpachi twisted around and echoed, "_All this?_ We've only had a serving each so far."

Teuchi nodded, but then added, "What about the little lady?"

At first Shinpachi was slightly puzzled, but then remembered the girl sitting on his other side. He turned around to find a precariously towering stack of bowls, emptied and unattended. "Ahh! Kagura-chan's gone!"

- - -

North of the place called Ichiraku Ramen was a shop frequently visited by a certain female Special Jonin. Even now this person plopped herself down on one of the benches outside, the flare of her ponytail bouncing gently with the motion.

"Thanks for the dango, Tenten!" Anko happily chomped down on her favourite snack.

Immensely glad her odango hairstyle was inedible, the younger female tried to explain that those dango weren't meant for her, but it seemed Anko was too indulged to listen. Tenten sighed in resignation and turned to the remaining dango in her hand. At least there _were_ dango in her other hand. Beside her was a girl dressed in a red shozoku, consuming what was left of the glutinous treat.

It seemed several bowls of ramen wasn't enough to sate Kagura's appetite. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and said, "It's not as good as sukonbu."

Upon hearing the slight against her precious rice dumplings, Anko abruptly leaned forward and sent the girl a sharp look. "What did you just say?"

"Sukonbu is good for you. Dango is full of calories." Kagura gazed at Anko and remarked, "I bet you're the type to eat 6730 calories worth in one sitting."

Never minding where she got that statistic from, Anko jumped up to loom over her with increased menace. "Are you trying to pick a fight little girl?"

Kagura stood defiantly to meet Anko's challenge. "The only thing I pick is my nose!"

"Um, excuse me…" Still seated on the bench, Tenten was a little uneasy being confronted with a sudden showdown between people of a similar temper.

Kagura glanced down at Tenten and her frown turned into shocked exclamation. "Ah! A China girl character!" She swiftly hopped back and brought her hands up as though ready for a brawl. "If you think you're taking my place as the heroine you're wrong!"

Tenten stared back at her in bewilderment. Though she had no clue what she was talking about, something told Tenten she wasn't herself a heroine.

"Alright, if you insist then I'll fight you for it!"

"Eh? Wait, I didn't –"

"Eat this!" Kagura whipped something circular in Tenten's direction, forcing her to quickly fling herself against the bench to avoid being struck.

There was a clatter as the projectile smashed into the wooden boards beyond, and Tenten darted up to survey the scene. Plastered on the wood was a brown substance mixed with something white, and chunky shapes littered the ground amidst what appeared to be broken ceramic. For a moment Tenten couldn't comprehend what had nearly assailed her, but then a subtle breeze carried a pungent aroma through the air.

Anko gaped at the queer mess. "Is that… curry?"

"Hot curry!" exclaimed Kagura proudly.

"I don't like spicy food!" Anko shot back, despite not knowing what that had to do with anything.

"Then I have the advantage!" Miraculously Kagura produced more platefuls of curry and at once hurled them at her opponents.

Both kunoichi leapt out of the way, finding they had to keep moving as more dishes soared.

Tenten glanced about, noting that the area was becoming layered with heady chaos. It was unfavourable to prolong this assault in the village center, no matter how ridiculous it seemed. "Hey! If you want a fight, come this way!"

Not needing to be told twice, Kagura bolted after Tenten's lead.

Left behind was Anko, standing amongst a scene of piquant wreckage, thoroughly bemused. "Uh… I should probably tell the Hokage about this."

- - -

Wandering along the bank of a river was a man carrying a sketchbook. On the page it was open to a drawing he had penned himself of what seemed like an umbrella covered with a sheet bearing the blank face of a penguin with large eyes and three bold lashes for each. His long raven hair swayed as he looked around and called, "Elizabeth! Elizabeth, where are you?"

Further up the embankment he spotted a boy clad in green and sporting a bowl-like trim, flailing his limbs about in a measured form. Rock Lee was practicing his taijutsu with a fervor he brought to nearly everything he did.

Preparing his book, Kotaro Katsura approached him. "Excuse me, have you seen someone who looks like this?"

Lee slacked his stance, glancing at Katsura before peering at the pad he held.

As he waited for a response, Katsura couldn't help noticing those round dark eyes the youth possessed, bordered by a few stark lashes.

At last, Lee replied, "I do not think I have ever seen anyone like that before."

"Have you looked in a mirror?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

Lee was silent for a moment as he regarded the stranger. "Your voice sounds familiar. Have we met somewhere before?"

"I am certain we have not, dattebayo."

"… Now you sound like two people I know."

"If you'd please excuse me, I must continue my search." Katsura had only taken a few steps when Lee blocked his path.

"Wait; if you would like some help I would be happy to lend you my assistance."

Katsura studied him for a minute, an idea slowly taking shape in his mind. "Alright. Come with me."

- - -

Meanwhile on the other side of Konoha, Team 8 was following an odd duck-like creature in the woods. They were crouched behind some bushes, watching as it drifted along the path. If they knew that Katsura was searching for their target, they might have been less inconspicuous with their approach.

"Even though it looks like that its scent is kind of familiar." Kiba glanced at the kunoichi of their group. "Hinata, can you use your Byakugan?"

She nodded and proceeded to employ the Hyuga clan technique, only to quickly diffuse it with a gasp. "It's… it's…!"

"Hinata? Hey, what's wrong? What did you see?" Kiba tried to get an answer out of her, but Hinata just shook her head, her mild expression of fright confusing the boy.

Shino was busy orchestrating his insects for closer investigation. It was a complete shock when Elizabeth produced a signboard and began swatting at his miniature scouts with unprecedented ferocity. Needless to say a speedy retreat was in order.

Deciding that he had enough of hiding, Kiba leapt out of the bushes with Akamaru for a frontal assult. Elizabeth stared blankly at them as they readied in midair. Right when they should have connected, the pair hit the ground instead. Kiba looked up to find Elizabeth barreling down the path away from them.

"Whoa! How can that thing run so fast!?"

"Don't let it get away." Shino had already sped past him, giving chase to the target.

With a grunt Kiba and Akamaru snapped back into action, joining the pursuit, while Hinata trailed behind; still shuddering at the memory of what she had seen beneath the cover.

- - -

"This is a fine mess you've gotten us into."

"If you had been more helpful before she noticed you this wouldn't have happened!"

Though the two girls had matured since their genin days, an argument was still to be expected once in a while. After Ayame's futile attempt to get the information she wanted from them, she decided to leave the two hanging. Well, one of them anyway. Ino had her arms suspended by a couple of tree branches, her body tied down against the trunk.

"Would you please face the other direction? The sunlight reflecting off your forehead's blinding me."

"As if I can help which direction I'm facing! Maybe I should just swing into _your_ face."

"Sakura, don't you dare. Sakura!"

A passing Jiraiya caught wind of the ruckus, and he tilted his head to see what the commotion was. What he saw was a prospect that may have fit many a fanboy's dream.

"… Hmm…" The Sannin placed a hand under this chin thoughtfully. "I don't usually write about this kind of thing, but it seems I've come across some unexpected research."

- - -

After making her way to the village's center, Ayame had perched herself atop the most convenient roof. She peered across the scope of the village, the most prominent sight being that of the Hokage past and present immortalized in a sheer mountainside at the far end. If Gintoki was somewhere here, she needed someone competent to speak to. As Ayame gave a passing wonder to how the kunoichi she had abandoned were faring, a head of stark silver hair caught her eye.

Stretched out on the floor of a balcony window was a jonin reading a book with one uncovered eye. The other was obstructed by a headband which fell across to meet the brim of a mask pulled over the remainder of his features.

Hatake Kakashi was making steady progress with the gift Naruto had brought him. It was the latest volume of Kakashi's beloved Make-Out series. It seemed to be a perk of Naruto having been undergoing training with the author himself, Jiraiya. Halfway through his current page, the sunlight he read in was eclipsed by someone's shadow, and the ends of a violet muffler dangling before him.

"An ero novel, is it?" spoke a female voice overhead. "You must be qualified if you picked up that book."

Unclear as to what sort of qualification she meant by that, Kakashi became increasingly guarded compared to when he first sensed her presence.

The former Oniwabanshu member flipped over the edge of the roof to join Kakashi on the balcony. "Have you seen an attractive man with silver hair in this village?"

Kakashi apathetically met her gaze. "Pick-up lines like that don't work on me, you know."

"Who's trying to pick you up, masked-moron? I'm looking for someone with _short_ hair and who treats me like dirt!"

"… And you want to find this person."

"Of course! Don't you get it?" Ayame gestured at his copy of Make-Out Tactics. "You must broaden the type you read."

Growing bored of her manner, Kakashi replied that he hadn't seen the person she was looking for. Begrudgingly she accepted the response and turned to leave, but Kakashi grasped her arm her stop her. Judging by her character he thought it best to do some questioning of his own before allowing her to gallivant through Konoha. Unfortunately Ayame got the wrong impression.

"No! Let go!" she squealed girlishly. "I already have a boyfriend!" Ayame blindly swung an open hand to strike him, only to miss and knock the novel out of his grip.

Horrified at the sight of his new book hurdling over the railing, Kakashi dove for it with an outstretched an arm. His fingers managed to catch the binding, and he somersaulted in midair to land neatly on his feet. Relieved, he straightened to address the kunoichi still on the balcony when he heard a crunching sound.

From above, Kakashi could hear Ayame as she said, "Oh? Where are my glasses?"

* * *

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: "Gintama" is property of Hideaki Sorachi, Sunrise, Viz Media, etc.  
"Naruto" is property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, Viz Media, etc.

* * *

It had been nearly three years since Naruto left Konoha, and now he was home again. There were a lot of things Naruto had missed about the village, not the least of which was Ichiraku Ramen. He was overjoyed when Iruka-sensei offered to treat him to his first bowl of miso ramen since he got back. As they approached the shop, two bright figures ran out, chased by Teuchi.

Naruto and Iruka caught up the shopkeeper and asked what had happened. Apparently after learning of the number of bowls their companion had eaten, the two unknown men decided to dine-and-dash. Incensed by the idea that someone would have the nerve to not pay for Ichiraku ramen, Naruto vowed to find the perpetrators and bring them back.

Shortly after he had headed in the direction they had gone, he came across two women dressed in kimonos. The taller woman had her hair tied into fluffy pigtails and wore a kimono of pink with flowers on the sleeves. He paused to ask if they had seen the men, and she answered that they hadn't.

"Oh…" Naruto furrowed his brow as he looked them over, noting their smudged makeup and the deep tone of voice the woman had spoken with.

She spoke to him again, but with pointed vexation. "What? Have you never seen a woman before? Do you have something against women with masculine features? How rude! I'll have you know that I know someone who used to be female is now working the sweet life as a male bouncer for a host club because of her botched plastic surgery! Still think cutesy women are better?? HUUUUH??"

Naruto cringed at the way her features seemed to pop out at him. "Um… I get it… sorry." He turned tail and skittered away in a light sweat. "Geez, all kinds of women can be really scary."

Satisfied with her performance, the woman remarked, "See, I told you this camouflage would work."

Shinpachi pinched at his own navy kimono. "Isn't this more like cosplay? In any case Gin-san, we should find Kagura-chan and get out of here as soon as possible."

"Yeah, not everyone is bound to be as gullible as that guy."

- - -

Traipsing about the village, Katsura was accompanied by a boy with powdered white hair, wrapped in a bed sheet and wearing a yellow paper beak on his face.

"Um… why am I dressed like this again?"

"If I'm seen with you like this Elizabeth will return out of jealously," Katsura answered with believable conviction.

Lee raised a bushy eyebrow. "Are you certain?"

"Of course, it's female intuition. Now, take my hand."

Though fairly certain he meant to say male intuition, Lee was beginning to question his judgment in offering his help.

"Lee, what are you doing walking around dressed like that?" Neji had about to cross paths with the pair when he saw the costume Lee was in. Even without his Byakugan, Neji was certain he was seeing things clearly. The Hyuga boy had thought Lee's green jumpsuit was ridiculous enough, but compared to his current dress it made him look sane.

"I'm helping this fellow find his friend." Lee motioned to Katsura through the white sheet.

"Shh! No more talking," Katsura rebuked sternly. "Elizabeth doesn't speak."

Lee quickly fumbled with something under the sheet before displaying a board that read, "Oh, right."

As if Neji hadn't been exposed to enough nonsense with Lee and their sensei's antics – now this stranger had Lee following his bizarre requests. Neji was beginning to think that his teammate was severely impressionable. Under such enthusiasm from Lee, Neji was prone to let him be; so that is what he chose to do now, though deciding that he should also keep a watch over the duo.

- - -

"You came here for _that_?"

"It's causing trouble, isn't it? I can't eat dango when there's curry everywhere!"

The Hokage looked about ready to throw something at the jonin, but her aide calmed her with some rational thinking. "Tsunade-sama, that kind of rambunctious activity _would_ be disrupting to life in the village."

Tsunade slumped back in her chair, mulling over the situation. The door to her office opened and two jonin, Genma and Raido, entered the room carrying tall stacks of fresh paperwork. The sight of an increased workload triggered transference of her irritation. "You two! Go down and clean up that mess of curry with Anko!"

"The – what?" They stared at her, bamboozled, still holding the mountain of papers.

"Anko will show you – what!? Anko!" Tsunade leapt from her desk, darting her eyes around the room for a sign of the vanished kunoichi. "Honestly, that woman can be so…!"

"Tsunade-sama," Shizune interjected. "What about the girl who caused this problem?"

Her comment brought Tsunade back to a clear line of thinking. She folded her arms and sighed, considering the possible outcomes. "Anko said she went with Tenten. It should be fine."

- - -

Another clang rang throughout the forest as Tenten intercepted and redirected the plate's path. Having unanticipated any combat during her leisure time, the only weapon Tenten had on her person were deer horn knives she had been training with earlier. They were tokens Neji had given her, after a briefing on the importance of close combat, originally to be used with the Hyuga style of fighting. Neji's notion was that if presented in conjunction with a tool, Tenten's interest would develop.

The girl in question however was still learning, and so far could only use them to deflect Kagura's attacks. She wouldn't allow Tenten to get close enough to do any more, always keen on a ranged assault.

'Great…' Tenten raised her hands, gripping the crossing crescent blades in each. 'This is the kind of battle where my own jutsu would be useful.' She prepared herself for Kagura's next barrage, intending to run up and smash the plates with the points of her weapon.

It was then she was jolted out of her combative mindset when someone bellowed, "A-ha! So it's you!"

Both opponents turned to find the source of the interruption as that of a chubby male's. His face was flushed more than usual, and his panting indicated that he had overexerted himself to locate them.

"Chouji, what are you doing here?"

Pulling himself together, Chouji swung an arm across to emphasize his indignation. "I wanted to know who the heck was wasting all this food!"

Kagura scowled, reeling back a loaded arm. "Don't interrupt a heroine's battle!" She whipped the dish at a distracted Tenten, her eyes widened in surprise. It was with an astonishing amount of agility that Chouji jumped across and gobbled the curry in one fell swoop.

He glanced back at Kagura over his shoulder. "It's bad manners to play with your fo-!" Before Chouji could finish his cool retort, he suddenly doubled over, clutching at his stomach and collapsing onto the forest floor.

"Chouji!" Tenten dropped to kneel beside him. "Chouji, what's wrong?"

"T…Toilet!"

"… Huh?"

"Ha!" A wide smirk danced on Kagura's lips. "It's a technique I learned from Yellow Curry. Now to – huh?" Just when Kagura was ready to reignite her match with Tenten, she found that none of her limbs would move. Her shadow had elongated, and attached to the other end was a boy sporting a tactical vest, his hair tied up like his father's.

His voice was relaxed as he told Kagura, "Enough of that now."

"Shikamaru!" Tenten blinked at the sight of him.

"I saw Chouji running faster than I've ever seen him through the village and thought I should follow him. I guess it's a good thing I did."

Kagura tried to wrench out of the paralyzing jutsu, but not even her super Yato clan strength could help her. Not one to surrender so easily, Kagura mentally raked through the many pieces of wise advice Gintoki had given her. Finally, she remembered the one about being caught in a public area with a strange male.

At the top of her lungs Kagura blurted, "SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!"

Thrown for a loop by the startling outburst, in the instant that Shikamaru let his concentration slip, Kagura let loose a plate of curry to smack him squarely in the face. Shikamaru stumbled backward, the clinging food coupled with its strong odor disorienting him.

With her mobility restored, Kagura prepared for the final blow. "Okay, time for the main course!"

Tenten tore her gaze away from the fallen boys just in time to see Kagura carrying a fresh batch of curry in each hand. "Main course?? You've been throwing the same dish this whole time! How does it now qualify as a main course?"

Her remark caused Kagura to pause mid-step, thinking over the logic of her words. Suddenly she cried, "I need Yellow Curry!" and on that random note, Kagura dashed off beyond the trees to find some mild curry.

As soon as she was out of sight, Tenten released a breath of exhaustion. Whoever that girl was, she sure had a lot of unusual energy. The weapons-wielder realized that nothing had been accomplished… other than another curry-stained battlefield. She wouldn't be eating _that_ for a while.

"Toi…let…" Chouji croaked, now curled into a quasi fetal position.

"Um… Shikamaru?" Tenten addressed the boy's teammate. "Can you help me out?"

Shikamaru struggled to sit up, swiping the curry from his face to let it splatter on the ground. "Ugh… how troublesome."

- - -

"Drats! Where'd they go?" Uzumaki Naruto paced the streets of Konoha, searching for any hint of the dine-and-dashers' whereabouts. He didn't think they could have gone too far. Then again, neither did he know what kind of skills they might possess.

Coming up the opposite end of the street was Jiraiya, and as soon Naruto saw him he went to ask if the Sannin had seen anything. When he reached him however, he ended up asking something else.

"What happened to your face?" The lone genin in his age group narrowed his blue eyes suspiciously. "Were you caught peeking again?"

Though his face was heavily swollen and bruised, Jiraiya's reply was still audible. "No… not exactly." He shook his head and mumbled, "I should have known better than to get involved with a student of Tsunade's."

Before Naruto could question what he meant by that, Jiraiya hopped off to find something for his abused visage.

- - -

"No~! Sto~p! You're so rough!"

"Can you please settle down? You're making a scene."

Ayame dropped her character, pouting at the man who had a grip on her arm and was pulling her through the village. "I was expecting more from someone who reads ero novels."

"Just because I read them – what does it matter? I thought you said you have a boyfriend."

"Yes, so help me look for him!"

"You can't search for him if you can't even see." Kakashi recollected how Ayame had nearly plummeted from the balcony after dropping her glasses. He thought that after feeling the railing common sense would kick in and tell her not to travel any further. The result told him he would have to bring her along if he didn't wish for her to cause any more dilemmas.

"Well, well, Kakashi. I never thought I'd see you in this situation. With a la~dy." Kakashi's self-proclaimed rival, Might Guy, stood in his path with a playful grin.

As usual, Kakashi was unaffected by the jest. "Trust me, she isn't a lady. It's not what you think either; I'm just taking her to get her glasses repaired. She can barely see what's in front of her."

"Ohh?" Guy came closer to the pair and made a subservient bow. "Hello, miss. Please allow me, Might Guy, to assist you."

"Thanks." Ayame held her hand out to him, poking Guy in the eye.

While Guy clutched his eye in pain, a pair of women passed by the trio. Their steps were measured and both attempted to avoid eye contact with the others. They failed to go by unnoticed however as Ayame reacted to their presence.

"Eh? Gin-san!" She latched onto the closest of the women and gazed up into eyes resembling those of a dead fish. "I've finally found you!"

Shinpachi gaped at her disbelievingly. 'What the heck? When she's blind she's able to tell it's us if we're disguised??'

"You're mistaken!" Gintoki grunted as he shoved at her head and clinging arms. "I'm not the guy you're looking for! I'm Paako! Paako!"

With his eye now seeping tears, Guy attempted to get Ayame to see reason. Instead he saw her fist hit his face.

"Run for it, Shinpachi!"

"Gin-san!" Ayame made to follow them, but rather met a self-inflicted blow against a heavy wooden signboard.

Kakashi peered down at her sprawled form on the ground, Guy moaning in background. "… At least she's quiet now."

- - -

For a creature of that size and stature it was a wonder how it was able to move through the forest so rapidly. Team 8 was just able to keep Elizabeth in their sights as they dashed across the earth. Hinata squeaked when the quick steps of the creature provided her a glimpse of its hairy legs.

"Hinata, keep up!" Kiba hollered back. He still didn't know what had her so tentative.

All of a sudden a scarlet figure jumped into the path, stopping their target. "Elizabeth! Have you seen Yellow Curry?"

Team 8 caught up to them and gave the newcomer a once over.

"You know this thing?" It was a question Kiba neglected to add some tact to.

"Elizabeth isn't Thing!" Kagura reprimanded. "They have the same shape but Elizabeth isn't all hairy!"

The mention of "hairy" made Hinata wince; even more so when Elizabeth seemed to turn in her direction. 'I won't have a husband like that, I won't, I won't!'

Akamaru whiffed the air, afterwards covering his nose with his paw. Kiba noted it and knew what it was. "Geez, you reek of curry!"

"Oh, that's right! I don't have time to mess with you, so here!" She chucked a plate each at the chunin, the curry spattering on their clothes.

Shino stood frozen staring down at himself. "I hate… strong smells…" He appeared to be at as loss as to whether or not to undress to distance himself from the offending odor.

Kiba covered his own nose, but it couldn't keep out the overwhelming mingle of spices. "Hey, Akamaru! Don't eat it!"

Hinata was the first to notice that Kagura and Elizabeth had already zoomed away, but she didn't go after them. This impromptu mission wasn't turning out as expected. 'Naruto-kun… surely won't look like that when he's older…'

- - -

She heard him call her name, and sure enough, there was the spiky-haired blond running up to meet her. "Naruto… hi."

After flashing a grin, he quickly moved on to settle what was on his mind. "Sakura-chan, you wouldn't happen to know what happened to Ero-Sannin's face, would you?" If her answer was what he thought it would be Naruto expected her to unleash her temperamental side. It was therefore a surprise when he saw her hesitate.

"Nothing happened!" she screeched so forcefully that it startled the boy.

"Uh… okay?" Naruto quivered. It was best to yield when it came to dealing with raging Sakura. "A-Anyway, have you seen two guys in white wandering the village? A girl might be with them since she's the reason they took off from Ichiraku without paying."

His last statement caught Sakura's interest. "A girl? What kind of girl?"

"Um… I don't know actually…" Naruto mentally smacked himself for not getting the details.

Despite his oversight, Sakura critically began to ponder whether this could be the same girl from before. "But if she was looking for him, then…"

"Sakura-chan?"

She nodded to herself resolutely. It was better than doing nothing. "Okay, I'm going to help search."

"Huh? O-Okay…"

* * *

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: "Gintama" is property of Hideaki Sorachi, Sunrise, Viz Media, etc.  
"Naruto" is property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, Viz Media, etc.

* * *

The water was running from the tap as Ino splashed it onto her face. She needed to cool down after the heat of the incident with _those two_. Following what she would forever deem as Sakura's stupid stunt, the pair had seen Jiraiya off to the side and paled at being found by him of all people in such a position.

He undid them from their bonds, making a few light-hearted jests but not mentioning what they thought he would. Once the girls had their feet properly on the ground they made an unspoken pact to not speak of this to anyone. They thought Jiraiya was silently agreeing to this by so far not making any reference to it.

Their minds changed when he turned to go and said, "I have to get started on my new book."

Even if he didn't intentionally mean to imply anything, Ino felt his divine punishment was due for spying on women in the outdoor bath. It was simply bonus that it provided a fine release for her ire.

She lifted her face to gaze at her reflection in the mirror, droplets of water slipping across her features. In the washroom's solace she recalled everything, and irritably passed a hand across her mouth.

The thundering of footsteps on the other side of the door stole Ino's attention. In the next instant someone bustled into the room and thrust her out.

"Chouji!!" Indignant, Ino pressed her forearms to the locked door, banging with her fists. "Hey, I was in there!"

"Sorry about this. It was an emergency and your place was the closest."

Ino turned to Shikamaru, who was casually standing in the hallway with curry caked on his features. He obligingly explained the reason for their intrusion, though when he had finished Ino thought the idea of a curry-slinging girl was ludicrous.

"Doesn't he know by now that he shouldn't eat things without knowing what's in them?" Ino lamented while Shikamaru cleaned himself at the kitchen sink.

He took the towel Ino brought for him and dabbed his washed face. "Well, I think he's out of commission for now. Tenten's already trying to relocate the girl so I'm heading out."

The lone female member of Team 10 sat at the kitchen table listening to Shikamaru. If there really was a strange girl like that in the village, maybe there was a connection to the kunoichi she had encountered earlier. With the prospect of retribution in mind, Ino stood resolutely from her place and told Shikamaru she was going with him.

- - -

"Here are your glasses." Kakashi handed the restored lenses to Ayame.

She slipped them on and blinked, eyeing her surroundings. Her gaze rested on Kakashi and she lifted a hand up to his face, which he easily blocked.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to see what's under your mask."

"So do other people, but you're not going to."

Beside them chuckled Guy as he shook his head. "It's useless, Kakashi is too – "

"Stay out of this, freaky-face." Ayame snapped. "Those cheekbones and eyebrows are one thing, but why is your eye and nose so red?"

"Huh? You did those to me…"

Completely ignoring his response, Ayame turned her attention back to Kakashi. "What are you hiding under there? Some blemish you're ashamed of? Oh, I know! You must have really bad teeth. You can't let anyone see them, not even a dentist."

Her exuberance really was tiring. "Isn't there something you're supposed to be doing right now?"

"Oh, that's right! Gin-san!" She rushed out of the shop, stepping on Guy's foot on the way out.

"Ow-ow-ow! She had her glasses on that time!"

Against his better judgment, Kakashi decided not to follow her. Her company was arduous and she didn't seem _that_ dangerous… probably.

- - -

They had been making their way through the village for some time, and Neji had just about enough of all the queer looks people were giving them. He told Lee to remove his disguise, but Katsura butted in.

"You can't order Elizabeth around like that!"

Neji frowned at his comment. "That's not Elizabeth, that's Lee. Are you delusional as well as insane?"

"What was that? You think because you're a cool intellectual character you can say whatever you want?"

"If you don't stop spouting nonsense I'll have to beat it into you."

Lee skittered between them and held up his sign reading, "Please stop this fighting!"

"Lee, put that down!"

Their debacle was interrupted when a girl the boys' age dropped in on them. One look at Lee and she didn't know whether to laugh or faint. "Lee, what in the world are you wearing?" She watched him scribble an explanation on his signboard and hold it up for her to read. Her gaze drifted from the writing to the stranger and she recognized the familiar uniform. "Are you Yellow Curry?"

Katsura raised his eyebrows. "How do you know that?"

Neji asked Tenten what she was talking about, and the kunoichi related her meeting with Kagura and the subsequent battle. Something was wrong with the world if Neji thought that didn't surprise him. After this escapade with Lee and Katsura, what else could come as a shock?

"YELLOW CURRY!!" a young female voice shouted over the rumblings of her and Elizabeth's heavy footfalls.

"Leader! Elizabeth!"

They skidded to a halt before Katsura, not the least bit exhausted from their run.

"Yellow Curry, quick! Help me main course her!" Kagura jabbed a finger in Tenten's direction.

Lee swept off the bed sheet around his shoulders, standing between his team and their own. "While I am glad you have found your friend, I cannot allow you to harm this girl."

The curry ninja glanced at one another knowingly from the corners of their eyes. "We don't wish to harm her; we'd just like to offer her some of this curry." Katsura held out a piping hot plate to Lee.

"Curry? Wow!" Lee's eyes lit up and he eagerly accepted it, spooning it into his mouth before Tenten could stop him. Then he too became a victim of induced bowel movements.

"Lee, you fool. What were you thinking?" Neji gazed cantankerously upon his stricken comrade. He would end this absurdity with his Byakugan. His features tensed as he searched for the opposition's chakra network; but he also found what his cousin had seen in Elizabeth. "What is that?" Before he could analyze it any further, Elizabeth plowed into the Hyuga, bowling him off his feet.

"Neji!"

"Ninja Double Curry!!" Kagura and Katsura simultaneously sent a set of curry dishes flying Tenten's way. Halfway through its course the food was smashed out of the air by a pair of well-aimed kunai.

"You're not exactly who I was looking for, but you are a troublesome girl." Sakura stepped forward, her gaze set upon Kagura. "Using foodstuff as projectile weaponry?" She cracked her knuckles imposingly. "Why not use your fists?"

Kagura took the provocation as a challenge to her own strength and squinted at her. "Hmph, you think you're the heroine? I'll beat you into cherry jam!"

"Try it, peanut brain."

Tenten readied her own stance in case Katsura tried anything. "Do you have something against me as well?"

"That depends. How long and luxurious is your hair?"

Across from them Neji was recovering his senses. He could see Lee still on the ground, afflicted with the tainted curry. Even though he had taken off the bed sheet, the white powder in his hair and the makeup on his face remained, along with the faux beak. The creature known as Elizabeth seemed to be staring at him and Neji thought a hint of a throbbing vain appeared on its head.

"What weapon is _that?_" Tenten gawked at the bazooka Elizabeth produced.

"Elizabeth, wait a minute!" Katsura waved his arms about to get Elizabeth's attention. "It's not what you think!"

Just as Kagura and Sakura's fists were about to make contact, Elizabeth pulled the trigger.

- - -

Still dressed as transvestites, Gintoki and Shinpachi were hiding behind a nearby building as they spied upon the ruined dango shop. Judging by the rampant use of curry, they guessed Kagura had already been there.

"Hey, are you waiting for the shop to reopen too?"

The unexpected voice caused both to jump, and they turned to gaze up into the grinning face of Orochimaru's former pupil.

Shinpachi scrambled to his feet, quickly forming a reply to cover their suspicious behaviour. "Y-Yes! We heard it's the best in the village."

"You bet!" The cheery expression on her face brightened. "Are you two visiting Konoha?"

"Something like that…" Shinpachi recalled how Ayame had somehow coaxed them into coming to this foreign land.

"If you're lost I can show you around. I'm Mitarashi Anko by the way."

Although unresponsive to the woman's presence up until now, Gintoki found himself suddenly intrigued. 'Why does this woman have such a delicious name? Whoa, my sweet tooth's acting up! Wait, shouldn't something else be acting up in this situation?'

"If you haven't eaten yet I can take you someplace. To be honest I'm craving something sweet myself, but since the dango shop's closed –"

Gintoki immediately shot up like a rocket onto his feet. "I want to go there!"

"What!?" Shinpachi leaned close to whisper fervently in Gintoki's ear. "Gin-san, we're supposed to be looking for Kagura-chan!"

The permed one pulled away and sent him a look of loathing. "Be quiet, Shinnosuke. Quit making problems for everyone else."

As usual Shinpachi rose to the barb. "It's everyone else who causes problems! Furthermore, why am I Shinnosuke? What kind of transvestite name is that? Hey! Where are you two going!?"

- - -

"Don't you think we should head over to that explosion?"

"With something like that there's probably already a bunch of shinobi checking it out."

"But what if it's _her_?"

"You can go if you want. Personally, I'm getting tired of this."

Ino frowned at the back of Shikamaru's retreating form. She couldn't believe that of all times to get apathetic he would do it after leading her out to search for the offending female. She prepared to go after him and tell him off, but her legs wouldn't move. "Hey, Shikamaru!" she shouted crossly. "Don't tell me to go and then stick me here with your jutsu!"

He paused and looked back at her, his brow quirked questioningly. "What are you talking about? I'm not doing any-" His response was interrupted when something clumped and stringy flew out and hit his face.

"How easily the inobuta is caught."

That voice was eerily familiar. Ino jerked her head up to face Ayame, who was standing on the roof of one of the village's many eclectic structures. "You! Don't call me that!"

Dismissing the retort, Ayame cast her gaze upon a disgruntled Shikamaru. "So it seems the pig has a deer boyfriend. Hey boy, you should feel lucky that your girlfriend is into some kinky stuff."

Ino's temper was on the rise and her face was becoming increasingly flushed. "Neither of those things are true!" She slapped her hands together to perform some seals, only to have a glob of something wretched engulf them. Appalled, she pulled her hands apart and stared at the way the substance stretched across her palms. "Ew! Natto??"

Indeed, Ayame was kneading generous portions of her favourite food between her hands. "Underestimating natto is like underestimating a flatulence gag. They both may seem nasty but are useful as weapons."

A scene from Naruto's chuunin exam battle with Kiba flashed through Ino's mind. Even if it had helped Naruto out of a tight spot, everyone had been unanimous in its unseemly occurrence. "Ugh, stop talking! First curry and now natto? What's going on here?"

The unexpected mentioning of curry deviated Ayame's train of thought. Curry was something associated with two of her ninja in-training companions. To encounter either of them the girl before her must have been freed of her bounds. "Say, how did you escape?"

"That doesn't matter," Ino purposefully retorted.

Ayame raised an eyebrow at her tone. She decided to provoke a proper answer out of her. "My, I wonder what it could be." Giving Ino a meaningful look she said, "Did something perverted happen?"

Ino's expression screwed into a flushed scowl. "You're the pervert, S&M freak!"

"How rude! I'm an S&M ninja! No, wait, mistress! Call me mistress!"

"I'd rather call you something else right now…"

Shikamaru was busying himself with the natto sticking to his body, forced to stay and listen to the kunoichi's bickering. "Tch, women are such a pain…"

"Oh dear, did you just come out to your girlfriend in public? Ah, it isn't really that public here." Ayame cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "HEY, EVERYONE! THIS GIRL'S BOYFRIEND IS GAY AND SHE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL NOW!"

Needless to say, Ayame's announcement was heard by all in the vicinity. Villagers who were passing by stopped in their tracks to gawk at them, while more came into the street or poked their heads out of nearby windows.

"Well, now that social justice has been served I must resume my mission." Without so much as a second glance Ayame took off to locate her beloved.

"Hey! How is wrongly outing someone social justice!?" Ino struggled to make her heard by the departing kunoichi. It was bad enough she had been trapped twice by that woman, but now she subject to scrupulous questions, whispers, and stares from her fellow villagers. "Heyyyy! Get back here!"

- - -

Being a wanted man was nothing new to Katsura, but he didn't expect for it to happen in an unfamiliar village. He was fairly certain that the local shinobi would be on a lookout for them now after having caused that blast. The three runaways were taking refuge in a deserted alleyway, Kagura stooped over the ground tracing circles in the dirt.

"Elizabeth, you didn't need to do that," scolded Katsura. "I was only using him to find _you_."

"I wanted to fight that girl," Kagura murmured, frowning at the dirt floor.

Elizabeth held up a signboard to respond to Katsura. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"She seemed strong."

"I was thinking of you the whole time!" Katsura insisted.

Kagura rose stiffly and declared, "I didn't get to hit her!"

"This mock couple argument joke is so passé," was the next thing written on Elizabeth's signboard.

"Listen to me, dammit!" Kagura turned on the pair, glowering at them with her hands balled into fists.

"It's not dammit, it's Katsura."

A shuffle of footsteps sounded at the end of the alley. "If you want to hide from your pursuers it's a good idea to keep the noise level down." Framed between the buildings was the pink-haired girl from earlier, though notably mussed from the bazooka blast.

"Oh, it's you! Now we can fight!" Kagura quickly readied herself and Sakura followed suit.

"Leader! This isn't the time for a drawn-out battle that lasts a ridiculous number of chapters!"

"Who says it'll be like that? This fight will end so quickly it'll have people thinking 'WTH?'"

"What the heck are you two talking about?" Sakura bewilderedly interjected.

"That wasn't the word I was thinking of," Kagura said smugly. "A heroine can't be afraid of a little swearing. At this rate you'll never vomit on-screen."

"Hah? Vomit on-screen?? And hey, I can swear!"

"Bet you can't, $!*^ #%&* !"

"W-What? I've never heard of those words before!"

"Then I win!" Kagura proceeded to laugh with theatric airs.

Keeping watch in the background, Katsura was as confused as Sakura. "What's Leader doing? It was short battle, but… this isn't 'Alice 19th' or anything."

Elizabeth held the signboard with fresh writing scrawled across. "You read shoujo manga?"

"Only the kind with magical girls; because they're magical."

"Whatever!" Sakura jerked her arms up to guard, now a little annoyed with her opponent. "I'm still taking you down!"

* * *

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: "Gintama" is property of Hideaki Sorachi, Sunrise, Viz Media, etc.  
"Naruto" is property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, Viz Media, etc.

* * *

"… Is this all we're going to eat?"

Gintoki didn't bother to look at Shinpachi as he replied, continuing to shovel sweet morsels into his mouth. "What are you being picky for? Food is food."

"This is dessert! Just dessert, and so much of it!" Shinpachi gestured wildly at the crowd of empty bowls of red bean soup that littered the table. "Are you two kids!?"

Anko glanced up from her bowl to address Gintoki. "What's with your friend?"

"Ignore him. He's just like a bad rash. Ignore it long enough and it'll go away."

"I pity your doctor," Shinpachi grumbled.

"Anko?" A woman approached the booth the trio sat at, her red eyes focused on the Special Jonin.

She twisted around to see Yuuhi Kurenai accompanied by Sarutobi Asuma. "Oh, hey!" A lighthearted leer crossed her visage. "Are you here on a _date_?"

Kurenai sighed exasperatedly and reproached, "You don't have to use that tone."

Meanwhile Asuma was observing Anko's company with scrupulous speculation. After a second's thought he said, "I didn't know you liked eating with cross-dressers."

Gintoki took feign offense to that remark. "We're not cross-dressers, we're transvestites, you idiot."

'Actually, we're not really either of those things,' Shinpachi thought as he idly swirled the dango in his soup.

"Hey, Shinnosuke." Gintoki slid over to speak in an undertone to Shinpachi. "Doesn't that guy remind you of Gorilla?"

"Stop calling me that. As for him looking like Kondo-san…" Shinpachi took a moment to examine the leader of Team 10, "… not really. If anything, maybe he's more like an orangutan?"

"Ah, right. Orangutan!" Gintoki bellowed the impromptu moniker at Asuma.

Kurenai's nose wrinkled at the uncouth exclamation. "Anko, why are you spending time with people like these two?"

The other woman simply smirked as she lifted a spoonful of sweet soup to her lips. "Haha, I think they're kinda funny!"

Weary of these exchanges, Kurenai turned the discussion toward a more serious issue. She asked Anko if she had heard of the explosion in the village, and when Anko replied she had not, Kurenai proceeded to explain the situation. She described the assailants and the weapon they had which had caused the blast, all information received from Tenten and Neji while Lee was 'occupied.' They had minor injuries from the impact but their sensei was going on about how this could have happened to his kids and generally making a scene.

"Hey, Gin-san…" Shinpachi whispered with a hinting in his tone.

His companion nodded, and he stood to confront Anko with a hand placed over his chest. "I apologize, for we must part here, but let us make a promise to one another." He gazed steadily into her eyes and pronounced, "That neither of us will ever get diabetes!"

Following that bold declaration, Gintoki and Shinpachi bolted from their seats, weaving through tables and out the door.

Anko hastily rose from the table with a clatter of dishware. "Hey, wait up!"

"A-Anko!" Kurenai was quick to notice that none of them had bothered to pay for the bill before leaving. It looked like she would have to make good on it again… but then, she wasn't alone. Utilizing some of that kunoichi charm, she cooed, "Oh, Asuma dear…"

- - -

"Wah! She's following us!" Shinpachi continued to pump his arms and run as fast as his kimono would allow.

"Damn, maybe I shouldn't have made that promise with her. It seems she's fallen hard for me now."

"Who would be swayed that way by such a promise??"

A few kunai whizzed through the air and struck the ground just before them, effectively frightening and deterring the pair from their irresolute course.

Anko landed in their path, brow furrowed and hand on her hip as she surveyed them. "Didn't you two hear me?"

Gintoki's excuse was, "Um, sorry – waxy build-up."

"Oh, really?" Anko plucked one of the kunai planted in the earth to brandish, a sadistic smile possessing her features. "Maybe I should clean 'em out for ya."

"Uh, that's okay." Shinpachi resisted the urge to take a step back. "We have our own means."

"Yeah, fingers are amazing things." Gintoki demonstrated this by sticking a pinky in his ear.

Unimpressed with the display, Anko began nonchalantly swinging the kunai in her hand around her index finger. "Well, if you guys thought you could stick me with the bill then think again. Luckily Kurenai was there to take care of it as usual."

"Why are you acting so proud of that? You're worse than us for purposely leaving someone else to pay."

The kunai snapped into Anko's palm. "Say something, Shin-chan?" Her voice was bordering on malicious.

"N-No, not a thing! Though, I'd prefer you didn't call me Shin-chan. It sounds creepy coming from you rather than my sister."

"A sister complex, eh?" Anko directed the kunai's point toward Shinpachi. "Is that why you're dressed like that? Trying to draw your sister's attention away from some cross-dressing suitor?"

"Wow, the observational skills of a kunoichi are astounding."

"What are you talking about?" Shinpachi screeched, both at Gintoki and Anko. "My sister isn't like that and it's not why I'm dressed this way!"

"Whatever, I don't care about your lifestyle choices." Anko cast a lazy glance over the men. "So, where were you two headed in such a rush?"

"No where really. It was just a run to burn off the calories from that food."

"You mean dessert."

"Shut up, Shin."

"Is that right?" Her gaze became sharper. "So you have nothing to do with the explosion Kurenai was talking about?" When they denied their involvement Anko said, "I see… Alright, guess I'll let you go then." She stepped between them and patted each on the shoulder. "By the way… these paper bombs ought to go off in about five seconds."

The disclosure of her trickery had Gintoki and Shinpachi in hysterics. They jumped away and tore at their clothes, tossing the garments into the sky before the bundle set off with a raucous bang.

"Ha, thought so." Anko could now see them dressed in the shinobi shozoku Ayame had provided. "I had you two pegged from the moment I saw you."

"What!?" Shinpachi was taking in heavy breaths. "So you feed us and then try to kill us??"

She shrugged. "I was hungry."

Gintoki swept at the film of sweat on his forehead. "Listen woman, there's a limit to how high the price of a meal can go before no one wants to buy, and that limit is life!"

"I don't intend to kill you," Anko said in an offhand manner. "I'm just going to bring you in for questioning. After that we'll see what happens."

"Hell no!" they chorused, and zoomed in the opposite direction.

"Yeah, okay…" Anko gathered the remaining kunai and pocketed them. Looking up at the guys in the distance, she formed a wry smirk. "I enjoy a good chase."

- - -

Hurdling himself across building tops was Naruto, intent on reaching the source of an explosion he heard. 'I hope Sakura-chan wasn't caught…'

"What did you do, you brat??"

Naruto glanced down as he crossed over a pathway. It was vacant except for three people, one of whom was a lilac-haired kunoichi who seemed to be assaulting a boy. "Konohamaru?" He landed to assess the situation himself and found the final body was Ebisu, lying in a pool of blood. "Hey, what happened here?" Naruto turned to the woman holding Konohamaru by the scruff of his neck. "Did you do this?"

"I did not! I was getting some information when this kid came and ruined everything!" Ayame shook Konohamaru for emphasis.

"Gh! What information?" Konohamaru gagged as broke out of Ayame's grasp. He pointed at her and rebutted, "You were just flirting with Ebisu-sensei! Besides, it was just a joke. It's not my fault he reacted to my jutsu that way and knocked himself out."

"Why you… If you want to turn into a girl so badly they have doctors who do that sort of thing!"

"Oh, so that's what happened…" Aside from the parts involving Ayame, this state of affairs wasn't unfamiliar to Naruto.

"And what's with your muffler? It's atrociously long! You expect _this_ to valiantly flutter behind you?"

Naruto made a face as he watched Ayame berate Konohamaru. "Uh… This lady is kind of…"

"CRAZY!"

"Huh? Yeah, that's it." Naruto turned and saw two figures tearing down the path. "Hey, it's those two guys from – WHOA!!" He ducked as several kunai toting paper bombs flew and threw dust in the air when they set off.

"What is she doing throwing that kind of stuff around in a village!?" Shinpachi cried as they ran.

"Dammit, this attraction she has for me is too much!" Gintoki roared over the explosions.

"Do you really think this is a time to say that??"

Gintoki and Shinpachi soon crossed paths with the others, Ayame delighted to have reunited with Gintoki. There wasn't much time to indulge in this as they fled by, trailed by an energetic Anko. Ayame hastily followed joined by Naruto, whose mind was now reset on catching the ramen thieves.

- - -

The streets of Konoha grew cracked and cratered as the battle between Sakura and Kagura raged on. Katsura meanwhile was discussing with Elizabeth what they should have for dinner.

Sakura skidded back in the dirt after exchanging a series of hefty strikes with Kagura. Her opponent's strength was unfathomable and she was able to keep up with her own agility. 'I can't quite get a read on her movements… it'll be bad if she gets a clear hit. In that case, I have to end this quick!' Sakura gathered chakra in her fist and sped forth, throwing what she had into a single punch.

Kagura intercepted the blow and the force threw her back, though instead of having a wall to slam into she crashed into two of her passing comrades, sending them tumbling along the ground.

"Shinpachi! Gin-chan!"

"Ow… Oh, Kagura-chan! You're here!"

"Geez… What have you been doing all this time? GAHK!" Gintoki shouted in fright and panic when a pack of snakes encircled him and pinned his arms to his torso. A weight came crashing down and he fell forward.

"Gotcha." Keeping a foot on his legs, Anko gripped the snakes flowing from the sleeve of her jacket.

Moments later Ayame and Naruto were on the scene, coming up behind Anko.

"Hey, you!" Ayame closed in, indignant over Anko's treatment of the samurai. "What do you think you're doing with Gin-san?"

"Oh, nothing…" She tugged on the snakes to tighten their hold and grinned. "Just having a little fun."

"_What?_" Ayame looked from Anko to Gintoki, who was lying on the ground and restrained by the jonin. "Gin-san, I didn't know you liked being M!"

"Moron!" he hollered. "That's not what this is about!"

"Ah~ Gin-san~ Yes, speak that way to me even more~!"

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Naruto muttered.

"Ahh! It's you!" Sakura had moved close enough to see who these other people were, and immediately recognized Ayame.

She turned and said, "Oh, the pink one."

"Pink one?" Sakura raised a threatening fist at her. "Listen, you're going to pay for what you did!"

Ayame loftily placed her hands on her hips. "_You_ should be paying _me_ for having taught you a valuable lesson about life."

"About life? That's ridiculous! All it did was…! Was…"

"Hmm? What's that? What happened?"

No reply came from Sakura. She was lost in an unrelenting replay of her awry step toward womanhood.

Naruto drew near, genuinely concerned about her condition. "Sakura-chan, are you okay? Your face is turning red."

"AUGH! Get away from me!" She threw a wild punch that connected with Naruto's jaw and tossed him like a pebble skipping across water.

"Huh…" With a rogue smirk Anko remarked, "Now I kinda want to know what happened."

"Curry Barrage!!" Katsura charged in with Elizabeth, firing blobs of curry out of a modified bazooka.

"What the – Hey!" Anko staggered back as curry mercilessly rained upon her.

"Everyone, this way!" called Katsura while Elizabeth kept Anko occupied.

Shinpachi and Ayame freed Gintoki of the snakes and retreated with the others down a side road, Elizabeth bringing up the rear to provide cover.

By the time they had disappeared Sakura was sitting nonplussed, surrounded by curry, vegetables, and rice. "Uh… Anko-sensei?"

Coated from head to toe, Anko looked like a shaking pillar of the stuff. "I… hate… curry!"

- - -

This was turning out to be a wearisome day for the Hokage: First a report of a curry-wielding girl, followed by news of a wandering masochist kunoichi, and then an explosion produced by some unidentified weapon. Whatever was going on in the village, it was driving Tsunade mad. She figured she was due for some R&R, but Shizune insisted that present circumstances motioned against that. In the end her aide allowed her to step out just to buy a lottery ticket to satisfy her.

She held the ticket clasped fondly between her fingers, holding it up admiringly to gaze at the numbers. Maybe if she stared at it long enough sheer will would allow her to win for a change.

"Where's the exit to this place?"

"I'm hungry…"

"At a time like this? Wait, what about all that ramen you ate?"

"I'm pretty sure it's this way."

"_Pretty sure?_ Do you realize this is a village packed with ninja who are out to get us?"

The ramblings and hurried footfalls were rapidly approaching an unsuspecting Tsunade. Even as they became louder as they advanced, Tsunade kept her eyes shut, focused on dreams of winning big. The group rushed past her, disturbing the air so it gusted and swirled to carry off the ticket in Tsunade's fingers with a flutter.

For a second Tsunade was still, not quite sure what had happened was indeed real. There was no feeling of paper between her fingers. At once she snapped and snarled, "Hey! Who the hell do you think you are!?"

It was against any perceived logic. They really shouldn't have stopped. Then again, when has reason ever stopped these people? Tsunade's question stirred feelings of intrepidness and camaraderie which they could not resist. Thus they turned to roll-call and pose:

"With the skill of Kakamuri no Jutsu – Ninja White!"

"With lenses that can see the beauty of tomorrow – Ninja Glasses!"

"With the only patterned shozoku – Ninja Holstein!"

"With hot and mild tools at our disposal – Ninja Double Curry!"

"Together we are Ninja Sentai – Go-Nin-!"

"If you have time to do that, then get out of my village!!!" Tsunade plowed her fist into the ground, sending up masses of land and dirt skyward, along with the members of Go-Ninja.

"It appears we're blasting off again," Ayame said with a sigh.

"When have we done this before??" screamed Shinpachi.

Kagura clasped her arms around her stomach. "I don't feel good…"

"Leader! Did you eat the curry again?"

Gintoki scratched the back of his head. "Hey, we didn't have to pay for the ramen after all."

The Go-Ninja became nothing more than a twinkle in the sky to the residents of Konoha. With their departure, relative normalcy returned to the village. There was a lingering scent of curry, and a few shinobi's lives were changed (or scarred), but otherwise everyone seemed to return to their regular daily lives. The habitants hoped that they wouldn't have to see them ever again… or at least not anytime soon.

* * *

The End


	5. Omake

Disclaimer: "Gintama" is property of Hideaki Sorachi, Sunrise, Viz Media, etc.  
"Naruto" is property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, Viz Media, etc

* * *

Sweetened Ramen – Omake

One, two, three… Three days since the madness with those queer shinobi who invaded Konoha. Ino was kept vividly aware of this fact since her parting with Ayame. The latter's groundless "revelation" led to Shikamaru and herself being a common source of village gossip over the days which followed. Any time she went out Ino could feel the villagers' eyes on her while hushed buzzes manifested in the background.

When she confronted Shikamaru regarding how they could stop this, his response was that they couldn't. It was impossible to stop hearsay once it spread and the best thing would be to let it die out on its own with time. Regardless of the logic behind it, his answer wasn't what Ino wanted. It forced her to resign herself to her grief rather than relieve any of it.

At least the issue with Shikamaru wasn't true… and the only thing to travel Konoha's grapevine. There was still the issue with Sakura to consider.

Ino shook her head and slapped a palm against it. 'Aaugh, I can't believe that happened! Stupid Sakura!'

Both girls had been doing their best to hold their composure when they chance met on the street, but it was becoming clear that they wouldn't be able to behave normally until they talked it out.

'Is this because girls care more about their first than boys?' She remembered hearing about the accident between Naruto and Sasuke when they were starting out as genin. Ino miserably slid an elbow across the counter of her family's flower shop. 'Geez… what am I going to do?'

The shop bell rang, signaling a potential customer. Ino straightened her posture and begrudgingly donned her working smile. "Hello, wel-" She choked on her greeting. The person who entered the shop was a woman with elegant features. Her shinobi dress reminded Ino of someone, though a fuchsia scarf was in place of a purple muffler. This style and her haughty aura unsettled Ino. 'Why does this seem… no, it can't be…'

The woman was followed by two men in black shinobi shozoku, sporting mufflers of red and mustard yellow.

"Kaoru, you should rely on something other than flowers for weaponry," criticized the shinobi dressed with the red muffler. "They end up dying half the time before you can use them."

Kaoru gave him a disdainful look. "Well you should stop relying on Viagra. It ends up expiring half the time before you can use it."

"I told you, that was for my friend!"

"Tell your friend to stand up for himself!"

Ino realized the way these two were speaking to one another was like her… the monkey girl. Nervous, Ino gripped the counter and prayed they would leave without approaching her.

The glasses of the yellow muffler shinobi shone. "I predict there's a 99.8% chance that we'll see Sarutobi again."

"See, Kaoru? 0.2% chance of not encountering Sarutobi."

"Enough, Gou! I don't want to hear about the 0.2%, just like I don't want to hear about the dentist who didn't side with the others!"

In burst a brawny shinobi wearing a dark green muffler and sunshades. He appeared panicked and called for his teammates. "Kaoru! Gou! Matsuo! We need to go, Zenzou's hemorrhoids are acting up!"

Hearing that their leader was under distress from his ailment, the trio hurriedly followed Shioh out of the shop accompanied by another ring of the bell.

Ino relaxed after they departed, her shoulders sagging with relief. She slowly turned and slid off the stool, untying her apron to put it aside. Her steps were a bit shaky as she made her way to the back of the shop. '… I think I'll take the rest of the day off…'

* * *

Owari


End file.
